In a world where we are continuously fed with sales pitches, marketing schemes, promotional material and spammy content, we have to be alert and aware of deceptive tactics and shockingly ‘crap’ content.
We have to shift through all the junk to find the good stuff, like the scene in Star Wars: The New Hope where they are stuck in the trash compactor.
The danger is that we become blind to more and more content. Even “banner blindness” is a genuine concern for many advertisers.
Because it’s tiring, isn’t it?
Not only that, it’s ineffective- yet it still exists.
So, crap content must be in demand, and we just have to meet that demand. So I thought of listing out different ways you can excel at creating crap content.
Go ahead, read this blog. But be warned! READ THE DISCLAIMER IN THE CONCLUSION BEFORE FOLLOWING MY ADVICE.
1. Use Irrelevant, Low-Quality Images.
The worse the images are, the better!
You know the types: fuzzy, poorly created, low-resolution images that have no relevance to your content.
Don’t bother with getting your dimensions right, that’s just a waste of time and energy. Just leave it up to the readers to decide on whether it’s the right size or not.
Can’t find what you are looking for? Not to worry, just take any old picture and paste it in.
And you don’t need to bother providing credits to the source.
2. Even Better, Don’t Bother with Images.
You’ve probably heard that you should use images. But maybe you shouldn’t bother.
You’re not Pinterest.
You can probably get away with not using any images and focus on getting your points across using chunks of texts instead.
And the best part of it?
You don’t have to spend time searching for the right images to use, picking the right dimension, editing and uploading it on the site.
3. Don’t Use Paragraphs
I’ve mentioned before about not using visuals and use blocks of texts instead.
But perhaps writing in blocks of texts is underrated.
Think about the benefits!
It means that you have less scrolling to do and the visitors can read it quicker.
And you can also focus on getting all the information out as it is coming from your head.
That way, there are no planning or organising of what you will write about beforehand.
4. Don’t Use Sub-Headings Either
Same as above, keep it tight and compact.
How many people really have a problem with the lines being too close and compact?
Splitting your writing up with paragraphs AND subheadings will mean that you are risking more scrolling.
5. Just Keep Waffling on and on and on and on
It’s not easy to get your point across. Just keep writing and talkin again and again.
Have you tried repeating yourself? That often works.
Do that until you get your point across.
Or keep trying until they give in.
You know what they say; persistence is key.
6. Forget about a Start, a Middle and an End
Okay, we know you were taught to plan and organise what you were going to write before you write it.
Forget about everything you have learnt.
It’s more or less like eating a meal the other way around.
Who doesn’t love custard and peaches before a big hearty roast leg of lamb and gravy?
Or even get up, go to work and brush your teeth there instead of before leaving the house?
7. Place Ads Everywhere
Have you got too much white space?
Have you not done much research and so have run out of things to write about?
Don’t worry, for there is a solution to the problem.
Allow people to place ads on your website.
Don’t waste your time by finding ‘related’ topics; any old ads will do.
Anyway, I’m sure in some tiny way, cars and bathing suits have something in common.
So sit back and watch the money roll in.
8. Ignore Your Audience
Screw engagement. The audience should just appreciate the content as it is, right?
Focus on selling yourself and your fantastic brand instead of helping the audience gain some really useful information.
That’s right…sell sell sell!
The trick is to use a lot of CAPITAL LETTERS and BRIGHT COLOURS.
And if your product or brand won’t dazzle clients, your persistent ‘in your face’ advertising might.
(Didn’t I say that persistence is key?)
9. Good Spelling and Grammar is not Necessary
Gud speling and grammer iz relly not necessary.
If people wanted writing that was all correct and, they should go to the library.
The internet is where u can relax n not worry about havin’ the prfct spelling and gramma.
10. Link to Irrelevant Sites
And if that’s not enough, either link to sites as many times as you can, or just link to your own site.
That will add a touch of quality in your content for your audience.
11. Copy and Paste Other People’s Content
And better yet, don’t quote. Just act like it’s your own.
There is nothing like a bit of plagiarism to raise the status of your credibility.
Don’t believe the web police; copy and pasting other people’s content is not illegal and a criminal offence; everyone is doing it anyway.
12. Implement Some Keyword Stuffing
Did you know that it’s not necessary to write original and intelligent copy that makes sense?
Spend some time doing research on your keywords and then repeat them over and over again.
And more importantly, you do whatever you can to get Google to notice you.
Because they just lurve keywords.
13. Spin Your Content to Use Again and Again
I have kind of said it before, and I will say it again: research is overrated.
Yeah, maybe you want to do some research, but once you have made your notes and created your content once, you can keep reusing it forever (or almost forever).
Seriously, people won’t even notice.
As the American singer/rapper Flo Ride would say, “you spin my content right round, right round”…or something like that.
So there are you are. Follow my guides above if you want to be a master at crap content.
But here is my disclaimer: you probably realise (or I hope you do) that I’m not actually encouraging this.
There is so much junk on the world wide web that it’s obvious what’s good and what’s bad.
And the above is what I see.
Frankly, it’s getting very tiring to shift through the junk like Luke Skywalker.
Not to mention with fake news being the latest trend in the news today.
But this is why it’s getting more and more difficult to stand out from all the noise.
So the moral of the story? Simply do the opposite of what I have mentioned above, and you’ll be fine.
If you disagree, let me know why. Seriously!